Every Good Thing
by Ingram Solomon
Summary: Set after their breakup in New Moon:"I had succeeded in staying away from her for five miserable, grueling years, but my resolve was broken now. Just one glance and in an instant I knew it was her. There was no going back, my fortitude was shattered."
1. Chapter 1

A/N: In EPOV. Set 5 years after the break up in New Moon. Assumes they haven't seen each other since that day in the forest.

Chapter One:

I had succeeded in staying away from her for five years…. Five miserable, grueling years. Had it really been that long? I had lived for over a hundred years before _her_, and in comparison they seemed so short and simple.

But my resolve was broken now. All it took was one glance, and I was utterly defeated.

After leaving Forks, as a rule I generally stayed away from the states. Traveling South America, and spending a great deal of time in Russia, I had rarely visited my family. It was too hard. Too painful. After year two of my self-imposed exile, Carlisle began the work of persuading me to go back to _her_. What a futile conversation that had been. Never had I been so angry with my father. Did no one care about her safety or her soul at all? I was sure I had made it clear to him that such future discussions where forbidden. I didn't need any help weakening my resolve… it was on the verge of cracking at every moment as it was.

I knew in that instant that they had planned all of this.

They had set the whole thing up. Carlisle had written that they had settled into a smaller college town called Buckerton in the Midwest. Such an odd choice of local. He had begged me to return, if only for a visit. Truth be told I missed them, and in a moment of profound weakness, and homesickness I found myself asking, _What could a visit hurt?_ I knew how my long stays abroad broke Esme's heart. The guilt from it weighed heavy upon me, and I knew it was time to return to them, if only for a short while.

How they were able to keep it from me, still boggles my mind. It must have taken such self control to not think of _her_ near me. I guess it made sense that Esme and Jasper left to hunt, leaving me alone with Carlisle and Alice… they were better skilled at controlling their minds to keep me out.

I did think it was odd that Carlisle had sent me out on that bizarre morning errand. It was such a weird request, and the sort of thing he usually just took care of himself. Things were weird and strained between us since our last fight about…_her_… and I was all too eager to make amends, as long as it didn't involve rehashing the past. A simple errand should suffice… if only for the day.

On top of that I also thought it strange that Esme and Jasper weren't back yet. I'm not a fool, I knew that something was going on, but it never once entered my mind that they had planned something like that. It was so devious, especially for them. Surely they knew better… surely they realized the error of their assumptions. Their little idea of tricking me into a …. _Reunion_, of sorts_,_ was really nothing less than abominably cruel. I was completely blindsided.

That morning I entered the antiquities dealer on Main. The old, nearly blind shop keeper looked up and smiled warmly.

"You must be Carlisle's son?" His old shaky voice was kind, and his mind as equally simple and compassionate.

"Yes, Sir." I smiled back. It was easy being gentle to the genuinely nice humans. From what I could gather of the mind of the old man, he had poured his life into the study of history, and was more intrigued with its artifacts than any other dealer I had met. Most were smarmy characters that pawned priceless objects as if they were nothing more than mere trinkets. But this old man looked at each of the objects in his shops as treasures and I liked him for that. He shuffled into the back room and returned with a box wrapped in brown paper. He slid it across the counter to me.

"Here you go son." He smiled. _Such a beautiful necklace, I hope who ever receives it will treasure it. _He thought to himself. Through his mind I could see the delicate silver locket encrusted with rare blue opals. Esme would surely love it.

"Do I owe you anything?" I smiled… his warmth was contagious.

"Oh no no, everything has been taken care of, send my regards to Carlisle."

"I will, thank you sir." I replied. _Such a nice young boy! So polite. You don't see many like that these days. _

I wanted to tell him that I couldn't agree more. Civility seemed so dead in these times. Each generation, the youth seemed to rot a little more. Though not all of them I suppose, and at once her face was recalled in my mind. A pang of ache wrenched through my body. Generally I tried never to think of her… but it would sneak up on me from time to time. Such thoughts were poison to dwell on.

As I left the store I headed back towards Carlisle's black Volvo. It was early and the café next door was busy as morning commuters stopped in to get their caffeine fix. The door chimed as it opened and a few college students exited. It only took a moment for the smell from the coffee shop to reach me, and in an instant I was nearly brought to my knees.

I would know that scent anywhere.

It was as though an iron beam had slammed into my stomach. I was frozen. My eyes were terrified to confirm what my mind already knew. Slowly I turned to look through the large café window.

There _she_ was.

Though her back was turned to me, I was beyond certain that the young woman ordering at the counter was Bella. At once I sifted through the voices until I found the young barista's talking to her, and I saw her face in his mind.

If my heart still beat it would have had a massive cardiopulmonary arrest. I was stricken as I stood staring like a moron in the street. A voice in the back of my head screamed at me to run… most especially before she saw me. But I couldn't move… despite the screaming commands of my mind, my body was numb and unresponsive.

She was looking at the menu board, as the young male barista with unkempt hair ogled at her through his horn rimmed glasses. So cliché, I instantly disliked him.

"Um…"

Oh that voice. Once again I felt gravity crushing in on me, I could crumble into a pile on the ground if she would just speak again.

"I'll have…" she bit her lower lip as she contemplated, a gesture that was all too familiar to me, "… a green tea latte." The barista's name tag read Jeff. He continued to smile at her as he wrote her order on a to-go cup. Without reason, I really didn't like Jeff.

"Good choice," He said with a stupid grin. In his mind I could see Bella make a polite smile in return. "You ah… look familiar. Do you go to BU?" He was referring to the local college, and from his memory I could see that Jeff had all but stalked Bella one day when he saw her on campus, following the gorgeous girl to the office of the literature department. Bastard. Playing it cool like he _may_ have seen her before. I wanted to punch him… it was so deceitful.

"Uh… well, sort of." Bella said nonchalantly as she pulled out her wallet. Jeff was annoyed that she offered no further information and eager to continue the conversation asked,

"Sort of? What does that mean?" Bella, still fiddling with her wallet just shrugged. I nearly smiled. She still clearly underestimated her affect on the opposite sex. I suddenly was reminded of how painstakingly I had had to pull information out of her, and a wave of pain washed in with the memory.

She looked up then, her deep and alluring brown eyes meeting his. _Oh God those eyes!_ Jeff and I both said in our respective minds. For politeness' sake she replied,

"I'm actually just finishing up my doctorate." She said it distractedly. His eyes widened, clearly impressed, as was I. Her doctorate? She was only twenty two.

"Wow, that's awesome. What's it in?" Jeff asked, enchanted that he was finally talking to the mystery girl from campus, and utterly ignoring the long line of patrons behind her.

"Um, literature."

"Oh I love literature." _So dumb... I love literature?! For the love! Say something cool!_ Jeff yelled at himself. Poor fool. Bella just nodded, her eyes bemused.

"What name should I put on the order?" Jeff asked nonchalantly, as if that was a customary question they asked all their patrons… not just the pretty ones.

"Oh, Bella." She shuffled her messenger bag over her shoulder. I watched Jeff's eyes light up as he thought of a doozy of a pick up line, I cringed as he decided to see it through,

"What a perfect name for _you_," his voice was just as smarmy as the smile he flashed, and I saw through his mind, Bella's expression change from mild disinterest to absolute dislike. Her eyebrows furled in at once. Jeff recognized her dislike at the comment as well, and foolishly powered on, refusing to abandon it… or at the very least apologize. "I just mean… you know, because Bella means… you know… beautiful..." Bella's eyebrows raised, and I distinctively noticed her brimming annoyance… how often she had given me that look. For Jeff's sake I hoped he would stop talking, but his verbal diarrhea knew no bounds as he continued on, "…In Spanish… or, uh… Italian?" _STUPID STUPID STUPID!_ Jeff's voice was deafening above the hum of the rest of the packed room. Bella just nodded, clearly uncomfortable, and started edging her way towards the pick up counter.

Her drink was waiting for her, and I realized at once I needed to move. I panicked, wondering if anyone would notice if suddenly I wasn't standing in the street. In a second I could be back in the car. I figured it would be best not to risk my family's identity in their new home, and pivoted on my heels heading at a fast human pace towards the Volvo across the street. The windows were tinted, and once inside, just for dramatic measure I let out a long breath, feeling concealed. I looked towards the café, and saw Bella walk towards the door.

She hadn't seen me. My tense body relaxed slightly against the gray leather seat. She pulled open the door and headed down the street, the opposite direction from campus. Curiosity began to suffocate me as my hands itched to put the car in gear and follow her.

NO, NO, NO…..absolutely not!

I couldn't possibly. The best thing to do would be to drive to the nearest airport and get on the first flight that would take me the farthest from this town. I wouldn't need to say goodbye to my family. I was livid enough with them as it was. Just what the hell did they think they were doing! How dare they. Carlisle must have known she would be in that café. Maybe it was a morning routine of hers? No doubt her presence had been their sole purpose in relocating here. They were determined to destroy her life. I would not… I could not let that happen.

I found my two warring voices competing once again. The virtuous one screamed at me to get to the airport as quickly as I could, and the sly, selfish one beckoned me with engrossing questions like,

_What would it hurt to find out if she's living a good life? Wasn't that the point of leaving her anyway?! So that she could lead a fulfilling, normal human life? Don't you want to see the fruits of all your suffering? Wouldn't it be satisfying to know it wasn't in vain? That you fought the good fight, and left Bella to her own gratifying destiny?_

With out my permission, my hands started the car. I could feel my resolve cracking as I attempted to both heed and tune out the warnings of my own heart and mind. I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but never the less in my selfish glory, I turned the car around, and began to follow her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

_What the hell am I doing!? _

My internal mantra repeated as I continued to follow her. It was a difficult task in that she was walking along the sidewalk, and I couldn't very well just creep behind her in a suspicious looking black vehicle.

I slipped into a parking space, and waited until she reached the corner before I resumed my pursuit. I watched her walk up the street and several things struck me.

The most striking was that when her scent wafted to me, the only thing I felt was heartache. Venom did not water my mouth, and not once did I have any other monstrous type of impulse. She still smelled as sweet and fragrant as ever, and she was still enticing… but somehow the temptation was lost in my warring emotions.

The second was that her posture had changed. She walked…dare I say it… _gracefully_. She held her self in such a way as to suggest that she wasn't worried of falling, or tripping over her own two feet at every step. She nearly glided as she walked, almost like a runway model, though more casually. For a split second I wondered if I was wrong. Maybe I had followed the wrong girl, or I was going crazy and just seeing things.

That would make sense. Clearly I was just imagining an apparition. Bella was not approaching the street light at the corner. It was just a figment of my imagination. The theory tested further true when I took in what she was wearing. Instead of the ratty jeans, and flannel, or ugly sweaters she had always donned, she actually looked stylish today.

It couldn't be Bella. She wore soft jersey dress that gently clung to her curves and swayed like a bell when she walked. I could see her perfectly, though two city blocks where between us. She wore an expensive looking cashmere cardigan. Again, so unlikely for the Bella I knew. And to top it all off, she was wearing a trendy pair of knee high boots… high heeled ones no less. Surely this was not Bella. Or at least this was not the Bella I knew. Never once had I seen her in any shoe other than flats, and she had had a hard enough time staying in an upright position with those.

My whole body itched to know her. How had these simple changes occurred? Bella didn't care about fashion, yet there she was, clearly mastering it, and pulling it off with out any major stumbles.

As she crossed the street, I saw a group of young men, do a double take and look back at her as she walked past. I tuned out their offensive hushed whispers.

Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why she looked different. In high school she was never interested in attracting a man. She was already a stunningly beautiful creature in her own right. Add some well fitting and pretty clothes, and a graceful air, and no man stood a chance against her. Perhaps now, she was completely over me, and ready to find herself a husband. A normal, proper, human husband. It wouldn't take long, and that realization burned in the back of my mind.

I pulled out onto the street, and began my pursuit once more. It seemed she had met her destination as she approached the foremost building, set back from the street. I looked around at the small collection of buildings and read the corner sign,

Buckerton Community College.

Community College? She just told _Jeff_ that she was working on her doctorate at the University, which I knew to be located on the other end of main street. Maybe she worked here? Maybe she lied? Bella wouldn't lie. It wasn't like her to make stuff up so she would seem self-important.

But then, I had to remember that five years had passed. Perhaps Bella had changed? No. That just wasn't possible. It felt wrong to even think it. Of course she had probably changed and evolved as a person, but I couldn't believe that those changes had affected her steadfast values. Regardless, I was resolved to find out.

As she entered the front door of the large building, I parked and began sifting through the minds of the people I could hear inside. It was a difficult task as all of them were unfamiliar to me. I tried to hone in on the sound of her boots on the tile floor, and focus on the voices nearest it.

Bingo!

I narrowed in on a female voice that was walking directly behind Bella. It must have been a student on her way to take a test because she was reciting the conjugations for the verb "to do" in French, and rather poorly. Never the less, she was walking directly behind Bella. Her thought process shifted as she noticed Bella's boots while she was looking at the ground. _Ohh, those are soo cute! I wonder where she got them… should I ask her? Would that be weird? _She then imagined a situation in which she reached out and tapped Bella on the shoulder. In her mind Bella turned around and gave her a weird snobby look. _Yeah, that'd be weird. _She'd concluded, deciding not to ask.

Walking towards them a good looking middle aged man waved at Bella.

"Bella, Do you have a minuet?" Just then the girl I was following through was suddenly distracted by a young man who smiled as he past her. I sifted through the torrent of voices in the busy hallway to pick out the older man's voice.

"Hey Steve," I heard Bella reply warmly a smile in her voice. I found him soon after. He was starring down at Bella. I looked at her face through his mind. Still just as perfect as always, though she did look tired. And was she wearing makeup? I had only seen her wear makeup whenever Alice wanted to play dress up with her. I was suddenly reminded of they way she had looked descending the staircase when I had picked her up for prom. It was almost as if I had forgotten how beautiful she was.

"Hey, do you want to step into the break room? I have a question for you." He motioned to a door to their left that read, Faculty Only. My mind pondered… did she teach here? Bella was shy and introverted, hardly the personality type that went into teaching.

"Oh yeah," Bella smiled as she took a sip of her coffee. I found myself reading things into her smile… who was this guy? What sort of relationship did they have? They stepped across the hallway and entered the small kitchenette.

"What's up?" Bella asked as the door closed behind them.

"Well… It's not a big deal Bel, but Jenny wanted me to ask." Through his mind a pretty, older blonde was recalled. I could tell by his minds tenor that he loved this woman. I was momentarily at ease. Bella's brows furrowed in. She clearly did not like where this conversation was going. "Is everything okay? She's worried about you, I mean we're worried about you… you seem really distracted lately, and like your under a lot of stress. Maybe one of us should take your intro class?" Bella rolled her eyes.

"So Jen sent you as a messenger huh?" There was a slight twinkle of mischief behind her eyes as she attempted to make light of it. Steve smiled back, though still clearly concerned.

"We're just worried about you." And it was true, his mind went back to a memory of peeking in Bella's empty classroom to see her starring out the window, crying. His genuine alarm at this revealed him to be a caring person, and a friend of Bella's.

"Look, I appreciate your concern… I mean… I have been a little…_off_, lately. But I promise I'm fine." Steve, who seemed to be a good judge of character, didn't believe her for a second, and neither did I. She had never liked to look weak, and this situation was no exception. She was concealing something.

"No Bella, I don't think you are." He said firmly. _Wow, that sounded patronizing. Don't act like her dad. _He reminded himself. "Look… I just want you to know that… I don't know… if you ever need someone to talk to, Jenny and I are here. Okay?"

Bella's shoulders slumped in as tears sprang to the corners of her eyes. I nearly jumped out of the car.

"Okay." She replied meekly.

"Oh Bella, what is it?" He asked softly. His mind riddled with concern and fear.

"I can't do this right now, I have to get to class." She replied calmly as she breathed in deeply. Without another word, she left the room.

I let my head fall back against the leather headrest as I tuned out the hundreds of voices both spoken and thought that I could hear coming from the building. This was turning out to be such a bad idea. Bella was in pain… something was hurting her. Something was making her suffer, and with each passing second I found myself more resolved to seek out the source and destroy it. In a moment of futility I once again desperately wished that I could just hear her.

_What am I doing!? _I yelled at myself. I had left her to protect her from my life. But who would protect her from everything else out there?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

"_Don't go far off, not even for a day, because -- _

_because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long _

_and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station _

_when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep. _

_Don't leave me, even for an hour, because _

_then the little drops of anguish will all run together, _

_the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift _

_into me, choking my lost heart. _

_Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach; _

_may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance. _

_Don't leave me for a second, my dearest, _

_because in that moment you'll have gone so far _

_I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking, _

_Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?"_

My cold dead heart disintegrated as I listened to Bella's voice through the mind of a young girl sitting in the front row. Bella had read the poem slowly with perfect diction, and unmistakable emotion. Her brown eyes glowed with anguish as her tongue hesitated over the last line. It hung in the air, and the internal chatter of the class died away, as she suddenly held them all captive.

"Where you ever loved like that?" a pretentious doe eyed little blonde in the front row blurted out, intrigued. She certainly wasn't the only one. I could hear her audible question echoed in the minds of the rest of the class. Every eye was suddenly trained on Bella. _On my Bella_. I sifted through their minds, seeing her in each and every angle. She was stunning.

Bella's eyes glazed over, and with my perfect vision I could see a soft torment deepen her brown eyes. Looking at the young student before her, she smiled sadly.

"Well, um…" she stammered, "…I once loved someone like that….but, to answer your question," Bella sucked in her breath and sighed, "…no… I was never loved like that."

My body went numb as her words crossed the distance between us. Surely she could not believe that, not even for a moment. But there was no mistaking the grief that etched its way across her face at the admission. I felt as though my heart would burst. It took every ounce of self control with in me not run across the parking lot, burst through the large glass windows and testify to her, that room of misfit students, and the rest of the world, that that woman is loved more deeply than any other human that ever existed or would ever exist.

From my core, waves of ache pulsed through my body. What was she saying? Of course she was loved like that! How could she think I didn't love her? The realization was like acid to my mind. How could she possibly deny every gentle moment we had spent together? How could she have deluded herself into thinking that all that I felt for her was not but a lie. Of course I had told her all those things. But how could she have believed me? I had told her once that I didn't want her. Was I really so believable? Surely she saw right through the façade? She couldn't really have thought all these years that she was never loved. The thought made me feel so helpless and ill.

And what of these years that had passed? Had she met no one else? Had no others come to claim her love? That I knew was an impossibility. Men where drawn to her in a unique way. I could hear it in all the male students' thoughts as they suddenly considered her as a love conquest… some with noble ideas and others in a shameful way that made me burn. Such sordid and hollow images of her flashing in their minds. It had been the same in high school. They just entertained made up versions of Bella in vulgar ways. It was cheap and selfish. Not one of them ever bothered to struggle to know her, to really know her. Not one was worthy of her love… I certainly was never worthy of her love.

For a split second my heart swelled, as I thought a thought I knew I shouldn't dare to ever hope for, or voice, if even only to my own consciousness.

Did she still love me?

_Damn it!_ I knew it to be too torturous to entertain such a thought. Surely the truth would kill me. Either way I would never be with her. I could never be with her.

"This poem is by Pablo Neruda, a distinguished Chilean poet of the twentieth century. You'll notice that his poetry is different than the poetry we've read so far this semester. His style is that of _Free Verse_," Bella announced as she wrote the word upon the white board, her squeaky blue marker revealing her handwriting which was so much more controlled than it used to be. She had always compared her "chicken scratch" as she had called it to my own script. While her handwriting had been a bit sloppy then, it certainly was better than most her age. The school systems didn't teach free-script like they used to, not to mention any comparison to my own was unwarranted. I had nearly 100 years more time to practice than she did. However, now there was a maturity to her script. My mind reeled as I wondered how else she had changed. What other subtle details had I missed out on.

She was different, and it was obvious. She was more self-assured in her movements in every little way. She no longer braced herself for impending stumbles or possible tripping hazards. She was wearing heels. Bella… was wearing heeled boots, and an hour had passed, and she was still fully upright.

An old itch began to intensify. I knew it well. I had first experienced it the day I met Bella. An all consuming desire to know her and to understand her silent thoughts. It had nearly driven me mad then. I had caved. I gave into it. I amused its every whim. I still hated myself for not being strong enough to stay away then, and I certainly loathed my heart entirely for failing me yet again. Here I was, parked outside her school, insatiably sifting through every mind just for a better glimpse of her face. Once again, I was an addict, hanging on to her every movement, her expressions, her words, searching for some kind of clue as to who she was now.

"If you'll pull out your syllabus, your reading assignments for next time focuses on poets that encompass this style. Earlier in the semester we learned assonance, consonance, alliteration, simile and metaphors. I'd like you to pick out an example of each, in all five poems." At this a quiet groan spread through the class, it did not escape Bella's notice. Her eyes narrowed, and in a commanding voice she added, "Each poem is filled to the brim with examples, it shouldn't take you more than ten minuets. Type them up, and email them to me before the next class. You're dismissed."

The room was suddenly a ruckus as chairs scrapped across the floor, zippers opened and shut, and all the students began talking to one another as they exited.

Bella began to pack up her papers, and wipe off the white board. Just then an older, heavy-set blonde came into the room.

"Hey Carol." Bella said as she turned to the desk to straighten her papers.

"Hi Bella… just heard several of your students gripping about their assignment," She said with a smile, as she approached the desk.

"That's absurd." Bella sighed. "The curriculum is soo basic. They should have learned this stuff in junior high."

"I hear ya." Carol laughed, as she began to take out her own papers. She was to teach the next class in that room. "Hey, a few of us are going out for margaritas Friday around 5:00. You should come!" Then, Carol paused as she wondered if Bella was even legal. "You're twenty-two right?" Bella laughed,

"Yeah."

"Gosh your soo young." Carol meant it as a compliment. "We all forget because your so accomplished and mature for your age." There was a hint of jealousy behind her good natured praise, as she wondered how it was possible for her to complete all of that schooling in just four years. Bella just smiled.

Just then a tonal version of Claire de Lune began to ring out. I watched through Carol's mind as Bella scrambled to open her messenger bag and dug around furiously until she withdrew her cell phone. I couldn't help but wonder if that song made her think of me. Every time I hear it, her face is always conjured in my mind along with a dull ache in my heart. Bella flipped open her phone silencing the ring, which I was glad of. She answered,

"Hello," She said as she grabbed her bag. A few students trickled through the door for the next class, and Bella nodded to Carol, and mouthed 'C-ya'. Carol smiled, and said goodbye.

My heightened sense of hearing picked up the female voice on the other end of her phone. It was unfamiliar to me as it asked,

"Hey Belles, is it cool if we do lunch a little early today?"

"Um… yeah, I'm actually just finishing up here." I heard Bella reply.

"Where do you want to go?" The voice asked.

"Um… do you just want to meet at the café on Main?" Bella suggested.

"That sounds good! It's nice out, let's try to get a table on the patio." I looked at the gray sky that looked like it could spit rain at any moment. _Nice out?_

"K, I'm headed there now, I'll _try_ to snag a table." I could hear the smile in Bella's voice.

"See ya soon!"

"Bye." Bella ended the call. Just then I saw her emerge from the front doors of the building. She was headed back towards Main street. Once again without permission, I watched as my hands turned the key, and put my car into gear. Burning unanswered questions clouded my mind, and I told my self I only sought clarity, as once again I began to stalk Bella.

Bella took a seat at an umbrellaed table on the wide sidewalk of the boulevard. I watched as she crossed her legs. It was so lady-like… and therefore very unlike the Bella I once knew. She pulled out a stack of papers, and began looking through them as she waited. A red-headed waitress walked over to take her drink order.

As I pulled closer to the café, a spot opened up just down from Bella's table. I became swiftly anxious as I contemplated whether I should pull into it. To be so close to her was unnerving. Would she recognize a black Volvo with illegally tinted windows? Would that remind her of me? Or was I too far from her mind now? Deciding against parking almost directly in front of her, I opted for a space further down the block. It still had a good view of her which I was glad of. _If your going to stalk someone, at the very least you ought to do it properly, _I thought dryly.

At once I froze as I watched a gorgeous brunette with much too pale skin walk towards Bella. My hands clenched on the door as I braced myself. In an instant I could ambush the vampire clearly walking straight for Bella, and rip her to shreds. Bella looked up and smiled warmly.

_What!_

"Hey Belles!" The vampire's perfect sing-song voice called out as she sat down across from Bella. At once I delved into her mind.

"Hey Celeste," Bella said distractedly as she shoved the stack of papers into her bag.

"Grading some papes?" She smiled.

"I'm trying." Bella sighed as she rolled her eyes, eliciting a giggle from her companion. "Is it awful that I think my student's are morons?" Bella asked mischievously in a quiet whisper.

"Nope. They are." Celeste said mater-o-factly, as she leaned back in her chair. From what I could gather, it had not crossed this vampire's mind once that she was sitting across the table from a human. Rather, I could tell that she held respect and esteem for Bella. It was obvious from her mind's tenor that Bella was… a very good friend. _Damn it Bella!_ Leave it to her to find _another_ Vampire to hang out with.

"Is that my sweater?" Celeste's eyes narrowed in on the cardigan that Bella wore. Bella looked slightly sheepish as she said,

"I was going to ask you this morning, but you were already gone. I'm sorry." From Celeste's mind I saw an image of their apartment. They were, _roommates_?

"No worries," Celeste smiled, "It looks cute with that dress."

"Thanks, I thought so." Bella grinned. Just then the red-headed waitress returned with Bella's drink, and two menus.

"Can I get you…" The waitress was instantly distracted as she looked into Celeste's amber eyes and flawless face, "…anything." She finally finished. A cool smirk crossed Bella's face, and she shared a knowing glance with Celeste, as she flipped open the menu.

"Water is fine." Celeste smiled, and broke the eye contact with the astonished waitress.

"Um…" the waitress stuttered, "I'll be back to take your order in a second." She smiled feebly as she walked away. Inside her mind she was feeling a mixture of awe and extreme intimidation. She quickened her pace as she walked, realizing she wasn't sure why.

"Where were you this morning anyway?" Bella asked as she looked over the menu.

"Um… hunting." My heart froze as Celeste said this… for two reasons. One, it was a lie. But the second reason was far more disturbing to me, at the same moment of her lie, the image of my face entered her mind. It wasn't a clear image, we had never met before… at once I realized where it was from. It was the image of me from the family portrait that hung in my parents bedroom. _What the hell was she doing in there! _

Bella, not realizing she had just been lied to, asked, "Oh, did Alice go with you."

_WHAT? Alice? My sister Alice? They were in contact!_

"Um… no." Celeste suddenly stopped fidgeting. When humans fidgeted it usually meant they were uncomfortable. When Vampire's stopped, it usually meant the same. "Look, Bella, I need to tell you something." Celeste said anxiously. Bella looked up with mild concern in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"Um… okay, Alice told me not to tell you, and I told her I wouldn't… but I lied. Because I'm going to." Celeste said quickly. Bella turned her head to the side as her eyebrows furrowed in. "It's just that… well I knew you first, so I feel like I owe you more loyalty… even though I love Alice, its just that I really feel like you deserve to know. They shouldn't be keeping it from you."

_What the hell?_

"Tell me what, Celeste?" Bella asked cautiously.

_Oh no._

"Edward is in town." She whispered.

_WHAT THE HELL!_

To be cont.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I watched as the blood drained from Bella's face. The lack of movement in her chest told me that she was no longer breathing.

"That's impossible." Bella barely whispered as her eyes widened. Her expression changed from that of shock to confusion as she asked, "They told him I was here?"

Celeste shook her head slowly.

"No, they didn't. He doesn't know you live here too."

"Why would they do that?" Bella sighed in frustration. "Carlisle promised me when they came that he wouldn't do such a thing." The realization that all of my family had been in contact with Bella since they moved here last fall burned in the back of my mind. Did their deceit know no bounds?

"Look Belles, you may not understand this, but they were sure it was for the best," Celeste's voice took on a pleading tone, "They're convinced that he's still in love with you." At this, Bella looked away sharply as though she'd been slapped in the face.

"This coming from parents who've only seen there son three times in the last five years. Do they even _know_ him now?" Her comment stung both from the truth of it, and the blatant bitterness evident in her voice. "Does he know I'm here?" Bella demanded.

"I…I don't know. He might? He got into town last night." Celeste stuttered.

"What a horrific waste of everyone's time." Bella spat, as she stood up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Celeste asked as she watched her friend pull her messenger bag up roughly.

"I really can't do this right now." Bella's desire to be vague was apparent. She pushed in her chair, and threw some money down on the table to cover her drink.

"_Bella_." Celeste said her name like a command, causing her to look her friend in the eye. "What if he is?" She breathed, as she looked up at her. Bella's eyes took on the same deep torment I witnessed earlier, she raised her hands to her face, shaking her head, and at once the look was gone.

"He's not." Bella said blankly. She turned on her heels and stalked away, like an angry runway model.

I sat there in my car for hours. Too stunned to move. People walked by, the cars parked next to me came and went through the whole afternoon. The sky became grayer and darker, until finally it was night. The street lights came on, and the patrons walking by became fewer and fewer. I watched the wait staff from the café exit and lock up. There were no cars parked next to me now. Just one deserted black sedan, alone on the boulevard.

I sat inside and festered.

It wasn't until just past two' o'clock that I heard a soft tapping on the passenger window.

The doors were unlocked, and I watched as my sister Alice opened the door, sat down next to me and closed it. She looked over at me, but I refused her gaze.

"Edward…" she started.

"Don't." I said, as torrents of anger washed over me. "I could kill you." I said quietly.

"You won't." She said mater-o-factly. And she was right. Truth be told I was being dramatic. Alice and I shared a special brother, sister relationship. I could no sooner cause her physical harm than I could Bella.

We sat in silence for what seemed an eternity. She waited patiently for me. Finally, as more of a lament, I whispered,

"She thinks that I don't love her."

"You told her you didn't." Alice reminded me plainly. For further dramatic effect I let out a long, unnecessary breath. I finally turned then, and looked Alice in the eye.

"Tell me about her."

Alice breathed in. I could tell she was hesitant, but after a long pause she began, and I watched her entire story through her mind's eye.

"I only lasted six months before I caved in, and went to see her. I just wanted to know that she was okay. I hid out of sight, and just watched her." Alice paused.

"And?" I asked, too exhausted at that point to be upset that Alice had hid that from me all these years. Her eyes became tormented as she answered,

"Bella was broken." Ache wrenched my non-beating heart at her simple admission and Bella's anguished face as it flashed in her mind. "She just… she wasn't Bella anymore." She broke my gaze and stared out the window down the street as she continued. "She didn't really have any friends anymore. Charlie was on the phone to Renee almost every night. They were worried sick about her. I don't know, she didn't really socialize anymore. I think to cope with it, she just threw herself into school work. She was always, always doing homework, and taking on extra classes and completing all of the extra credit. When ever she had nothing else she just…" Alice stopped. A picture of Bella huddled in the corner of her room sobbing, sprang to the forefront of Alice's mind. She changed her thoughts quickly as she watched my tortured expression in response. "Anyway. She took some AP classes, and then she started taking on-line classes from the university. She actually graduated as the valedictorian." Alice smiled slightly, as I quietly burned with pride. "Yeah, well, since she took all of those AP classes and the ones on-line, she went in to college with enough credit to technically put her into her second semester of sophomore year. She was offered full rides to a ton of universities, but she chose Vanderbilt. That's were she met Celeste." My eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, what happened there!" I asked.

"Well… since Bella knows our, _type_, it wasn't hard for her to figure out that Celeste wasn't just a regular freshman. She noticed her eyes were amber like ours, so she didn't consider her a significant threat at first. They ended up being in the same, Advanced Victorian Poetry class, and about halfway through the semester, one of the other girls in the class sliced her hand on an exposed screw in one of the tables. She began to bleed, and Bella at once grabbed Celeste's hand and attempted to push her out of the classroom. Once in the hallway, Bella opened all the windows to get fresh air in to her. Celeste realized that Bella knew what she was… and I don't know. Some how they became really good friends."

"She could have been killed." I said infuriated at Bella's tendencies to always put herself in those types of situations.

"No, not really." Alice chided, "Bella didn't realize it then, but Celeste is like Carlisle. She doesn't really struggle like the rest of us. In fact, she's about a hundred years older than Carlisle. Though you wouldn't know it… she's seemed to always retain such a youthful spirit. Anyway, she dates humans all the time."

"What?" I asked appalled at the idea. "Does she… change them?"

"No…Celeste doesn't treat relationships like the rest of us. She's pretty…" Alice looked up as she searched for the right word, "_casual_, about things. I mean, she kind of gets bored easily." This information was not helping my opinion of Bella's new best friend. "Anyway, Bella, took on crazy difficult course loads, and always took classes during the summers too… Once she was finished with her undergrad at twenty, she launched right into her graduate work. She finished that program in two years, and just started teaching here last fall, while she works on her doctorate at BKU." I started to shake my head and Alice added, "Edward, it's just been her way of dealing with her life. I don't know what she'll do when she's maxed out the education system." And with that Alice's eyes took on a far away look.

"When did you talk to her again?" I asked.

"I went to check up on her second semester of her freshman year, only to find out that she was dorm roommates with a vampire. That's when I confronted her to find out just what was going on…. And once I knew… once we reconnected… well, I've been visiting her ever since." I looked out the window in anger. She was getting much too good at concealing things from me.

"Don't be mad at Carlisle. It was my idea to move her. She's my best friend after Jasper. I just missed her too much," Alice pleaded, "We all did."

"Rosalie?"

"Well, except for her." I let out another unnecessary long breath. In my own pain, I hadn't really considered that leaving Bella would hurt Alice so much.

"So…" I paused. I didn't even know how to ask. Alice's special gift clued her in, and to my pleasure, answered the questions she knew I was about to ask.

"No. There hasn't been anyone since you. Not for their lack of trying of course… but like I said, Bella is broken now. You don't understand Edward. She's only a shell of the person she used to be. She'll smile and pretend for the rest of our sakes, but the truth is… she's miserable… all the time. If nothing else, you need to give her some kind of closure. If your hell bent on never being with her… fine. But you need to fix what you broke. I think that if you just… if you just talk to her…"

"Alice." My tone was a warning. This was not a conversation I wanted to have. I was already on emotional overload from the revelations of the day and evening. I really just needed to think. I wanted nothing more than to be left alone with my thoughts.

"Fine… I'm going to go… but you need to talk to her." Alice's voice was angry, and in a flash she was gone.

I continued to sit in the car long after she left. It was four in the morning when I finally decided to get out. At once, Bella's scent wafted to me, nearly bringing me to my knees. It was faint, from earlier in the day. Everything within me wanted to track it. It was relatively easy to give in to the urge.

The fact of the matter was simply that Bella was not happy. She was in pain. She wasn't living the great edwardless-life I had imagined for her five years ago. I didn't know what to expect or what it could possibly entail, but Alice was right. I needed to fix Bella. If it killed me in the process, so be it.

One foot followed the other as I tracked Bella's scent. It became stronger a few blocks away, and it was obvious to me that she lived in the brick building across the street. A light was on in a window on the fourth floor. I stood across the street peering at it. I couldn't take my eyes away because Bella sat facing it, probably at a desk, with a pen in hand as she shuffled papers.

I was frozen in place as she looked up from her papers and peered down at me. With my perfect hearing, I noticed her heart rate as it began to accelerate. Once again I watched as the blood drained from her face. Despite the distance between us, our eyes were locked on each other. It sent surges of pain and ache through my body as I looked, with perfect vision, into the soft brown eyes of the only woman I had ever loved in my long life.

We were both petrified.

To be cont.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I stood on the sidewalk as Bella looked down upon me. We continued to lock eyes. It was like a surreal scene from a backwards Shakespeare play. Finally she drew in a long ragged breath and looked away, breaking the intensity of our gaze. Shaking her head slightly, she turned back to look at me and whispered,

"Stay there," knowing I could hear it.

I watched as she got up from her desk and disappeared from sight. My extra sensitive hearing picked up the sound of the door shutting as she left her apartment and the creak in the stairs as she made her way down them. In a moment I saw her emerge from the front door of the old brick building. She was wearing a white camisole with lace trim, and matching shorts, with a long wool cardigan that came to just above her knees. She pulled it tightly around her, as the cool night breeze blew across the lawn, wafting her scent straight at me. She looked over to were I was standing and I noticed a look of surprise on her face. It was gone in a second. As she walked to the edge of the sidewalk next to her building, she continued to stare at me. Decidedly she walked a few more steps closer to me before stopping and folding her arms, obviously waiting for me to say something.

"Bella, will you get out of the middle of the street?" I asked, like an exhausted parent. She looked to her left, and then to her right. It was four in the morning, and not a car or person was out within a mile radius. She simply shrugged with a small look of defiance on her face. It was obvious she didn't want to come any closer to me, so I made no move to get closer to her… though my whole being burned to do so. There was another long pause, as my mind searched for something… anything… to say. The silence dragged on, and it was clear she wasn't in a conversation starting mood, so finally I asked, "How are you." Surely she could hear the deep concern etched in my voice, though you wouldn't have known it, as she curtly and casually said,

"I'm fine."

There was that word… _fine_. Humans always used it to cover a multitude of sorrows and sins.

"No, Bella, I don't think that you arr…"

"What do you want?" Bella cut me off, her tone was so bitter.

_I did that_. A guilty voice within, accused me.

"I… I just…" I paused, not knowing where to even begin. So I said the only thing I could think of that was the complete summation of the truth, it came out in a defeated whisper, "I… I don't know what I want." Bella looked away, and her eyes softened.

"You don't need to do this to yourself. Just go." _Do this to myself?_ Classic Bella. Her altruistic avowal proved that some things in her character remained constant.

She turned abruptly as she headed for the door to her apartment building. In an instant I was at her side,

"Bella," I said her name like a plea, and watched her pull away from me as I reached for her hand, but she stopped her retreat.

"Just go." She demanded. I was frozen in place from the sting of both her words and her refusal of my touch. She turned to leave again, but stopped when I said,

"We need to talk."

"Well I don't want to talk." She snapped, as she whirled around to face me. Her voice rose, and she began to speak faster, "I don't want to talk to _you_. What could I even say?" She paused, her hand gently rising to touch her forehead. Slowly, she began to shake her head, a physical sign of her inner opposition, "What would be the point of my saying anything? It would be nothing but a waste of breath." She looked up into my eyes then. It was only a moment, but the sudden realization of our proximity crushed in upon me, and once again I fought the urge to reach out to her. If I only reached out, my fingertips could stretch to graze her skin, and in that awareness I nearly died. The fear of an additional rejection kept my hand at bay, and I stood there, silently suffering. She held my eyes, and hers were brimming with untold pain as she added discordantly, "And to be perfectly honest, I don't really want to hear what you have to say. Just leave me alone... It shouldn't be that hard."

And with that, she wheeled around, and in two steps, reached the door, swiped her pass key and went through it. I made to follow her, but the door shut abruptly behind her, locking itself. Through the window I could see Bella headed for the stairs. She didn't look back.

If she really thought that this conversation was over, she was absolutely wrong. A simple brut force jerk, and I nearly took the door off its hinges. Bella looked back from the landing at the stairs, utterly appalled. I pulled it shut behind me, but it hung crooked in its frame.

"I'll pay for that," I said nonchalantly.

"What the hell is wrong with you." Bella whispered, clearly infuriated.

"We need to talk. Now." I demanded.

"No." She abandoned her whisper to make a point.

"Fine, then I'll just start yelling and wake up everyone in this building."

"You wouldn't." Bella's eyes narrowed. So I drew in a deep breath and began to open my mouth wide, fully prepared to start screaming.

"_Donnn't!_" Bella hissed and I shut my mouth. "Fine!" she whisper-hissed again, and started marching up the stairs. I followed her, though keeping some distance between us. Walking up behind her I realized at once how childish that exchange was. It's not as though Bella was in high school anymore. She's an adult. And as for myself… well, I'm certainly old enough to have known better. I suddenly found myself desperate to keep her attention… and I did not like the antics it was generating from me.

She reached her door, and walked through it, leaving it open behind her for me. I stepped inside, and was overwhelmed at once with the powerful contained smell of Bella and her belongings. It intermingled with hints of her vampire roommate.

"Is your roommate home?" I asked tartly, knowing that she wasn't. Bella twisted around and stared at me. There was a long pause before she answered indifferently,

"No, she doesn't sleep here often."

"Bella. She doesn't sleep." I corrected. She just turned away from me, and walked over to the tiny kitchen that opened to the living room. Pulling open the fridge she grabbed a can of soda, looking back at me she asked in mock courtesy,

"Can I offer you a beverage, Edward?" She smiled sardonically.

I flashed a smile back at her… one that once, long ago, she had told me she found dazzling, and in a soft sincere voice, answered,

"No thank you, Bella." Her brows furrowed in as she shut the fridge door, but I distinctly heard her heart rate spike, and my mind reeled, contemplating, and reading in meaning.

I looked around her apartment. The brick building had probably been built in the early 1900's, complete with hard wood floors, a large bay window with a window seat, and a built in hutch in the dining area. It seemed that most of the old charm had been well kept all these years. Her furniture was an assortment of modern and vintage pieces intermixed. I wondered how much of the decorating was her influence. Walking over to her sofa table, I picked up a framed photograph of Celeste and Alice, with Bella sandwiched between them. They were all smiling, though Bella's looked forced. I placed it back down on the table in its spot, looking at the flawless face of Celeste.

"Another one Bella, really?" I said in a tired way.

"Another what?" Bella asked innocently, still standing in the kitchen, keeping the counter height bar between us.

"Another Vampire." I was in no mood to tip toe around this issue.

"I don't really see how that concerns you." She said boldly.

"You can't be serious!" I asked incredulously. "Bella, your living with a vampire. I don't care how in control she seems to be, it's dangerous." To my complete surprise Bella let out a little mock-laugh, though the situation was hardly humorous.

"Is that what this is about? Is _that_ what's bothering you? Look, you don't need to worry. Celeste hasn't had human blood in over 400 years."

"Bella, it's dangerous for you to…" I started to protest, but Bella cut me off.

"Don't you dare," If her eyes could shoot fire, I would have been a burning mass on the floor. "You have no right to speak into my life. Celeste has been a wonderful friend to me, especially when I really needed one. She cares about my well being, a lot more than you do." Her scathing admission buzzed in my ear.

"It's just that…" I started, only to be interrupted again,

"I don't have to justify my choices to you, Edward. And I'm not asking you to justify your choices to me." She said resolutely. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I'm not ready for this." She admitted to the room, not looking at me. She began to shake her head. "I think you should go."

"I'm not going anywhere Bella." I said softly.

Just then I heard a gust of air from the window in Bella's room, I heard two dainty steps,

"Bella?... I smelled Edward's scent in the street and…." Celeste stopped as she reached the hallway. Her eyes darted from me to Bella, and back again. "Oh…I guess you already knew." She said softly, breezing past me in a second to stand next to Bella in the kitchen. She was carrying a jug of milk, and she pulled open the fridge and placed it on the shelf.

"Oh… I was going to get some." Bella remembered as she stared at the jug.

"No problem, I figured you'd forget." Celeste smiled, as she shut the door.

"How was your date?" Bella asked brightly… ignoring me completely,

"Um…" A coy grin played across her face "It went well." She winked at Bella. Then, glancing at me, she turned back to Bella, and in a whisper, as if I couldn't hear, she asked,

"Are you okay?" Her eyes were full of concern… and I didn't know how to feel about that. Bella made a forced smile and a simple nod.

"So… Edward," she said uneasily, turning to me, "I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you." It was mock courtesy and we all knew it.

"Celeste, I presume." I said coolly. She made a simple nod.

"I've heard a lot about you." She said awkwardly.

"I can only imagine." I let my voice go monotone and devoid of emotion. At once I delved into her mind.

_He's taller than I imagined. Very handsome, no wonder Bella was left a mess, who wouldn't be. He was probably a very attractive human in his time. _Just then, the tenor of her mind changed as she looked back at Bella, who appeared as though she could burst into tears at any moment, _What a fool. Didn't he know what this would do? And then he has the nerve to come here and harass Bella. Look at her. Wait!... are those my pajamas? Ohh… she tried to dress cute. She must of hoped he might come. She's already relapsing. And we were making so much progress…. What if Alice was right? What if he…_ Her train of thought died away as a new one sprung to the forefront of her mind,_ Didn't she say he could read minds…I wonder if he's reading my…_

"Yes, I am." I replied, wanting her to stop her inner dialogue. Celeste's face whipped around to look at me with narrowed eyes.

"hmm…" She was obviously trying to keep her mind blank. Then, smiling brightly, she blurted the first thing that came to her mind, "So… you're in to humans too?"

"What?" I spat, blindsided by her comment.

"_Celeste_!" Bella hissed, mortified.

"What!" Celeste asked, her face a sudden mask of innocence. "I'm just making small talk… you know… about the common areas of interest." She smiled mischievously, as she looked at her nails. _Nothing to be ashamed of Eddie… do you mind if I call you Eddie?_

"Yes, I do." I said aloud, though Celeste had been continuing to survey her nails, and Bella was oblivious of our suddenly private conversation. She continued on,

_Eddie it is then…I'm probably the only one in the world who understands… Humans are fantastic with their burning, pliable bodies, and who can resist the allure of the red hot temptation pumping away just below their skin, against the challenge to master one's self-control… you know… so as to not maim them during a heated session of love making. _Images of Celeste indecently intertwined with naked human men, shot from her mind to mine.

"Shut up!" She was trying to unarm me, and though I knew it, it was working none the less. _I mean, that milky soft skin, you could just run your teeth through like butter. I love being so close to losing all control wrapped in the embrace of their puny sweltering arms. I'm just saying that I know the allure. I get it. I understand… no wonder you're back._

"How dare you!" I spat.

"What's going on!" Bella was looking back and forth from Celeste to me, then back at her friend. "What did you say!"

"I didn't _say_ anything, Bella." Celeste smiled innocently. _Don't be so prude Eddie. I only bring it up, to issue a simple warning. _My brows narrowed as I glared at her. _If you're simply here for a hook up, and you take off, leaving Bella broken hearted again…she won't survive it…and if anything happens to her I will hunt you down and slaughter you just as a soulless demon aught to be destroyed._

"Celeste…" Bella asked timidly, instantly aware of the powerful tension buzzing in the room, "Would you mind leaving us?"

"Yeah… no problem." Celeste replied with a sweet smile. _I've said all I needed to say, _she shot at me, along with a contemptuous glance my way. "It was so nice meeting you." And in a flash she was gone. I checked the area for the sound of her thoughts, but she was more than five miles gone at that point. Bella let out an audible sigh.

"Care to fill me in on the conversation that was just had?" I looked across down into her deep brown eyes, as I contemplated how much I should divulge.

"Um… it was just a simple warning." Bella's eyebrows raised.

"What did she say." It wasn't a question as much as a demand.

"Um…" I paused, recalling her exact wording, "Just that if I hurt you again that she would hunt me down and slaughter me like a soulless demon aught to be destroyed."

"_Celeste_." She said her name like a reprimand, "She can be…" her excuse for her friend trailed off into silence, "You didn't deserve… that, I'm sorry."

"No, Bella." I sucked in a ragged breath before I softly confessed, "I do deserve that." It hung in the air between us, and we both knew it was true.

"That was a harsh thing to say, and…" She tried, but I cut her off,

"Bella, I know I have caused you such an inexcusable amount of pain… and I am so sorry." My words tumbled out with more laced emotion than I had intended, and my dead heart was ripped in half, as I saw my regret illicit a tear from Bella's eye, that slid down her porcelain cheek. Regaining her composure, she wiped it away quickly, and in what I could only assume was an attempt to change the subject, she asked,

"Is that all Celeste said?" I let the intensity of the moment pass.

"Well," I gave her a slight smile, "She was wondering if I was back for a… _hookup_." Bella's mouth dropped open slightly as her brown eyes widened, and a soft pink blush darkened her cheeks. She dropped her gaze from mine at once.

"What a thing to say to you," Bella's voice came out small, "She knew that you didn't know I lived in Buckerton. You thought you were just going to visit your family. To accuse you of that is…"

"I think she meant, why I came here tonight… to see you." I softly cut off her rambling.

"Tonight?" Bella's voice was breathless, as her blush deepened, and I heard her heart rate spike at I assumed the contemplation. The sudden thought of leading Bella back to her bedroom was intoxicating, and so very dangerous. She continued to look at the floor, until finally, in an act of bravery, her eyes locked on mine, and everything inside of me instantly caught on fire.

(To be cont.)


	6. Chapter 6

"Why did you come, Edward?" her voice cut through the intensity of the moment, though her eyes never left mine. I was at once on edge under the scrutiny of her dark caramel gaze.

"I came to talk." I replied, though, admittedly talking had just been the farthest thing from my mind. I took a deep breath, if for no other purpose than to help me clear my head.

"So talk." She said simply, taking her own deep breath of air. My mind went blank. What was I suppose to say? What could I even tell her? I suddenly wondered if going there was the worst idea I had ever had.

I could tell her the truth. But where would that leave us? Where would that leave her? Was there really any alternative? Alice had said that she needed closure. But telling her the true reason why I left her wouldn't grant her closure. Telling her that I was still completely in love with her would do nothing but complicate things further.

"Would you like to sit?" Bella asked, interrupting the silence and my thoughts. I simply nodded and took a seat in the middle of the sofa, hoping beyond hope that she would sit down next to me. But she didn't. She sat in the chair across from me. There was a coffee table separating us. As though that was not barrier enough, she hugged her knees up to her chest, and looked at me expectantly.

"I don't really know where to begin." I admitted awkwardly. Why was this so hard?

"I just want you to be honest with me. You don't need to sugar coat the truth to spare my feelings, okay?"

"Spare your feelings?" I asked incredulously. "Look Bella, I don't think you really understand the situation." As soon as it came out, I cringed at how patronizing it sounded. At once her eyes lit up.

"I don't understand the situation?" Her voice was calm, but there was a distinct edge to it, "I understand that five years ago you broke up with me, and vanished with out a trace, and with no contact, only to show up now, after all this time, simply because your family tricked you into it. What's not to understand?" She began to rub her temple as her brow furrowed in. Her eyes took on a sad light, "Look. If this is some sort of guilty conscience thing, I can absolve you of that. You don't owe me anything. I'm fine. I'm sorry if it is bothersome, that I'm friends with Alice, but that is just something you are going to have to deal with."

"No, it's not that… not at all." I began, but she cut me off,

"Then, please explain it to me, Edward, and try to use small words so I'll understand." Bitterness dripped from her voice by the end. I wasn't accustomed to hearing such acrimony in her tone.

"That's not what I meant. It's just that you don't understand the situation, because… well… because, I lied to you."

"You lied to me?" it was both a question and an accusation. "What do you mean?" She asked cautiously, clearly afraid of the truth.

"When I left…" I saw her eyes squeeze tight as I said this, "I wasn't completely honest about why I was leaving." Her eyes grew wide, and she was suddenly very still.

"Oh." She said simply, the blood draining from her face. "I see."

"Do you?" I asked, wondering if she had suspected all along.

"There was someone else." She whispered pointedly.

_What!_

"No!" I blurted out, shocked that that was the conclusion she had arrived at. "No Bella, there was no one else, not ever!" She sucked in a deep breath, I hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Relief flooded her features. "No, I lied to you about…" I didn't know how to say it, "When I said…" I started, "You see…" I was stammering. I cursed at myself. _Just spit it out! _I sucked in a deep breath. She said she wanted the truth, so here goes,

"I lied when I said I didn't want you. I was just trying to protect you. I was just trying to do what I should have done in the first place. I should have stayed away from you, but I wasn't strong enough. When I left I was trying to give you a chance at a normal life. I couldn't rob you of that." It came out in such a rush. Bella looked at me in shock.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I never stopped wanting you. These years have been hell."

Bella sucked in a long ragged breath, as tears sprang to her eyes.

"Why would you lie about that!" She demanded.

"I thought it was the only way. I knew you had strong feelings for me, and I didn't know how else to help you get over me once I was gone."

Bella went rigid.

Her eyes suddenly caught on fire.

"How dare you!" She was furious. She stood up at once, her gaze icy, and her posture stiff.

"Bella, I'm sorry… I…"

"I believed you." She accused. "What right did you have to say that to me! What right did you have to just decide my fate with out consulting me? So you said some awful things to destroy me, so I wouldn't pine after you. Is that what you thought we had? That in a few months, little Bella would get over her crush, and chase after the next guy that came along!"

"No, Bella…"

"_Strong feelings_? You bastard! I loved you!" her voice rose, as her hands balled into fists, "How could you possibly think that I would just get over you saying that to me! You leaving me? How could you ever doubt the severity of my love for you! It was real for me. To think that I could possibly just move on from what we had? I died that day!" Hot angry tears began streaming down her face, and I could do nothing but look on in horror at her meltdown.

"Get out!" Bella yelled at me, as she wiped at her eyes.

"Bella I didn't realize…"

"I said, Get Out!" Her voice was as icy as her glare. I knew she wanted me to leave, and I knew the proper thing to do would be to respect her demands, but something inside me was unmovable. An irrational need to occupy her attentions once again over came me. I searched for something, anything, that I could say that would make her want me to stay.

"Bella, I love you." It came out as a plea. Hell, it was a plea.

"Don't…" she held her hand up, "Don't _ever_ say that to me again!" her eyes were red with tears, and her breath was wracked with her sobs. "You obviously don't know what love is." Her voice was scathing. "I'm not going to tell you again Edward."

"Leave!"

So I did. What else could I do?

XXX

"She's just angry. Give her time." Esme's soothing voice matched the gentle pats she was giving my shoulder.

"I'm such a fool." I quietly lamented. "I should have known this would happen. She was right, I shouldn't have doubted her love for me."

"You were just trying to do the right thing." Esme cooed. "It just happened to be the wrong thing in the end."

"What am I suppose to do? She hates me."

"No she doesn't, she loves you." Esme smiled, and then became more serious., "She's just very hurt. And she thinks you played light with her feelings for you."

Just then there was a knock on the door, and Emmett peeked his head in.

"Edward, lets go hunt." It wasn't a suggestion. Whenever Emmett wanted to talk about non-manly things, which wasn't very often, he would always ask me to go hunt with him in that way. I nodded solemnly, and squeezed Esme's hand. She looked up at me with amber eyes radiating her concern. Emmett turned on his heals and headed out of the house. I followed silently. Once out on the front drive, he turned to me,

"Feel like a run? I'm in the mood for bear." Again I just nodded, and followed. Judging by his westward direction, he was headed for the nearest mountains, which happened to be the Rockies.

After several hours of running through the night, the air got colder, and thinner, with the rising elevation. At the foot hills, we caught wind of both bear, and mountain lion. We took off after our respective meals. Once finished, I followed Emmett up to the peak of the nearest mountain.

He lay down on his back, folding his arms behind his head, and gazed up at the brilliant night sky. I had been trying to read his thoughts for some kind of clue as to what was on his mind, but he was purposely replaying the football game he had watched that afternoon. The silence was starting to get awkward when finally,

"Soooo, what's new?" Emmett asked with a smirk, still masking his mind.

"Cut the crap, we both know you have something to say, so say it."

"Russia's hardened you."

"Emmett"

"Fine."

Emmett rose to his feet, and began to pace back and forth in front of me. His brow was down cast, and I only heard his thoughts moments before the words tumbled out in one big breath.

"This whole situation is shit Edward, and it's your fault. You never should have left her. It's ripped our family apart. Your long self imposed exiles abroad weigh heavy on us all, but Esme takes it the hardest. It's awful of you to do that to her. I've held my tongue, because I saw what it did to you and Carlise's relationship, but enough is enough. You can not do this to yourself anymore. It kills us all to see you so miserable. And more than that, it hurts us to see what it's done to Bella. I know there are risks, but …but, you have to fix this." He threw up his arms in exasperation.

"And how do you propose I do that?" I spat back at him. My resolve was hardened to the reality of his words, but the truth of them stung none the less.

"You have to go back to her."

"As if it were that simple." It was barely a whisper, and it contained a lifetime's worth of pain and disappointment.

"It is that simple." Emmett demanded.

"I think you are forgetting the part about her hating me."

"Stop saying that. I know she doesn't hate you, you know she doesn't hate you, and trust me, she knows she doesn't hate you. I'm so sick of the drama Edward. Just go all caveman style, thump her over the head, and take her back to your cave. Don't take no for an answer, just do it. It's what you both ultimately want. Leave all the touchy feely crap out of it, and just go do it. Okay!"

"I highly doubt that resorting to neanderthal tactics will win her back." I admitted with a wry smile.

"Well, how did you get her the first time?" Emmett asked, throwing his hands up with a sigh. He always gets cranky during strategizing.

"Well," I thought back to our initial encounters all those years ago with mild ache, "basically, I acted bipolar."

"Okay, do that." Emmett smiled, slapping me on the back, pleased that he had easily solved all of my problems.

"Sure." I grimaced.

"Weasel your way into her life so that she has to talk to you, and then just make it happen. Don't take no for an answer."

"Right, that always works for wayward lovers, and coincidentally, used car salesmen alike."

"Look, I don't know! I don't care how you do it, just do it." His tone was stern. "I've got to get back, Rosalie wanted me home an hour ago." He announced with a sigh.

"Go on, I need some time to think." Emmett simply nodded. He started to walk down the steep mountain pass, but not before scooping up a chunk of ice and hurling it at me. I batted it away effortlessly.

"Everything is going to be okay Edward." He yelled back up at me, "You need this. It's okay to need things." And with that he was an eastward blur towards home. Home? It felt weird to say it. It felt wrong to contemplate returning to my family, to think of Buckerton as our home. I suddenly felt melancholy as I longed for the emerald and drab landscape of Forks. I longed for an answer to the enigma that was my life. What was I suppose to do now?

The shreds of my resolve, that I had left shattered on the floor, began to transform, as I contemplated everything that had happened, and everything that Emmett had rather inarticulately said. But I understood the sentiment. It was as if I could see those shreds rising slowly as they began to be pieced back together. They took on an entirely new form. I lay on my back staring at the brilliant night sky, much as I had done the very first time I ran away from Bella. It was a tragic parody of deja vue as my resolve twisted into much the same image it had been that night, so long ago. I had wanted to be the type of man that didn't run from things, but met them head on. I did it once and I could do it again. I had something to prove to myself, to my family, and most importantly, to Bella. My mind began to plot. What would it take to win her affection back? Emmett said to not take no for an answer. How long could I survive picking myself back up from her constant rejection. How long would it take to put a solid chip in her resolve and break down the walls that I forced her to build? Did it really matter how long? Time wasn't exactly and issue for me. I stood up, and pulled in a deep breath of crisp and clean mountain air. My last thought before I sped down the mountain was this:

Bella Swan, prepare to be dazzled like never before.


End file.
